6 Ways to Handle a Boyfriend Who Doesn't Have Time for You (2023)

Contacting your boyfriend is the worst thing to do when he’s too busy to spend time with you. It’s tempting to try to get closer, but you’ll just drive him away.

Don’t beg or threaten your boyfriend as a way to get him to spend more time with you. Instead of complaining or pleading with your boyfriend, remember that you have more power than you think.

These tips for coping witha physically distant or emotionally absent boyfriend were inspired by a reader.“I am always lonely, and I complain to my boyfriend because he doesn’t have time for me,” says Desiree onHow to Respond When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You.“He says he understands and that I need to give him time and we both need to weather the storm together. I don’t know what this means. My friends and family say he isn’t prioritizing me or our relationship. It’s been five months of him almost never spending time with me, and I’m lonely and confused. Is my boyfriendnot interested in me anymore? What do I do?”

Don’t let your boyfriend’s choices affect how you see yourself, or you’ll negatively affect your relationship. If he’s choosing not to spend time with you, it doesn’t mean you’re not lovable, valuable, or worthwhile.

Instead of relying on your boyfriend for your self-image, find ways to love and honor yourself, to see yourself the way God sees you. You are creative, smart, quirky, funny, and beautiful. You deserve a relationship that fills you up and helps you love yourself for who you are. You deserve a boyfriend who wants to spend time with you, who is eager to be with you.

What to Remember About Your Boyfriend

Your boyfriend likes you and maybe is even in love with you. He’s in a relationship with you, after all. The problem is that he is prioritizing other things in his life over you. He’s not making time for you. Can you live with your boyfriend and his choices – without him changing – exactly the way he is right now? Because you can’t change who he is. You can do a few things to do get his attention without manipulating or controlling him, but you can’t change his personality, lifestyle, or habits unless he really wants to change.

When your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you, you have two choices:

  1. You can focus on him and your relationship
  2. You can focus on your own growth and self-development

I vote for option #2, because that’s the best way to respond to a boyfriend who doesn’t make time for you. Don’t focus on him; focus on your own spiritual, emotional, and physical health.

Read through my tips for what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you below. I encourage women to create healthy, abundant, interesting lives outside their relationships. Learning how to stop being a needy girlfriend is a double bonus: it makes youhappy and fulfilled, which makes youmore attractive to men. So your boyfriend will WANT to spend time with you because you are healthy, happy, and whole.

Here’s the rest of my reader’s comment:

“He’s my first boyfriend, and we got back together after 12 years apart,” says D. “We are in our 30s. We ran into each other eight months ago and were excited to get back together. He had made so much money, and he kept saying he needs someone to talk to and to arrange his life. So he’s not really organized and his work gets in the way of our spending time together. I don’t know if he really has time for a girlfriend or if he even cares about me. I feel desperate and clingy.”

If you, too, feel desperate and clingy, read 5 Signs You’re Emotionally Smothering Your Boyfriend (and How to Stop!).

6 Things to Do When He Doesn’t Have Time for You

There is no “one size fits all” answer that applies to every relationship. You need to listen to the still small voice inside of you, and decide where to focus your time and energy. There is no right answer.

What do you want out of your life, your relationship, your boyfriend? That’s where you must start.

1. Figure out what you wantout of your relationship

Your boyfriend isclear on what he wants and how much time he’s willing to invest in your relationship. He’s making choices and he’s sticking to them – regardless of how it makes you feel. He’s setting his boundaries and limits.

You need to do the same thing! You must clarify what type of love relationship (and, eventually, marriage) you want. You really do have the power to control your future. It’s up to you to take the reins, rise above your wishes, and stop saying “but I want and wish….” You need to stop letting your emotions (“I want to be married, I want my boyfriendto love me and spend time with me, I want to start a family”) control you. Instead, start thinking like a smart, savvy, strong woman.

Ask yourself these questions:

(Video) 6 Shocking Secrets to Make a Man Miss You Like Crazy!

  • Does my boyfriend show me he loves me in concrete ways?
  • How well does my boyfriend’s actions match his words?Does he say he loves me, but then he doesn’t spend time with me or prioritize me in his life?
  • If my boyfriend never changes, can I be happy in this relationship?
  • Is this the man I want tomarry?
  • Will my boyfriendbe there for me and ourkids, if we do get married?
  • Is he financially, emotionally, and professionally stable?

Be honest with yourself.If you think you want a long-term relationship with your boyfriend – or even to marry him – make sure you ask the right questions. Talk to him about his vision of your relationship, and really listen carefully to your boyfriend’s answers.It’llhelp you figure out if he’s the right man for you.

And be painfully honest with yourself. If you know your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you now, how can you be sure he’ll make time for you in the future? His current choices and actions show his priorities. If you are important to him, he will find a way to see you. If you’re not, then he’ll find excuses.

2. Imagine that your boyfriend will never change

Don’t hope and expect your boyfriendto change, because he won’t. Yes, people can and do change…but only if they’re motivated. Only if they want to change, if they have a reason that’s important to them.

If your boyfriend is immersed in his work, friends, hobbies, or goals right now, then he may prioritize them first for the rest of his life. Can you live withthis? If you want this relationship to work, you need to accept that your boyfriend doesn’t have time for you now, and he likely won’t have time for you after you get married, settle into a house, and have kids together. Don’t keep going deeper into the relationship with the expectation or hope that he will change. Your boyfriendmay change and can change, but you can’t force or even expecthim to change.

In When He Doesn’t Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, Byron Katie shows a man how to build a better relationship by questioning thoughts such as “I want him to spend more time with me.”

3. Tell your boyfriend how you feel (once!)

Be honest. Tellhim how it makes you feel when he spends all his time working, hanging out with friends, playing video games, or detailinghis car. Say something like, “I feel _(sad?)_ and _(lonely?__ when you don’t spend time with me. My ideal relationship would involve us spending X amount of time on weeknights or weekends together.”

Ask your boyfriendhow much time he can reasonably commit to your relationship. One date a week? Two hours a month? Get specific. Give him space to talk, to be honest with you. Don’t guilt or shame him because he’s not the boyfriend you want. He is choosing not to spend time with you for a reason. He might not be able to share that exact reason because he may not even be aware of it! Many of us have no idea why we do what we do. Personal insight and self-awareness is really hard to gain.

After you and your boyfriend have a talk about your relationship, let it go. Don’t initiate the sameconversation more than once. It doesn’t help to keep telling your boyfriendyou are lonely, confused, sad and frustrated because he doesn’t have time for you. He heard you the first time. If he wanted to change, he would.

4. Remember that all relationships go through ups and downs

Back to my reader, D. She says: “The work project my boyfriendspent all his money failed, and he banked on another. That failed, too.”

She added that it’s been five months since her boyfriend’s work failure. “My once beautiful relationship is now a shadow of itself. My boyfrienddoesn’t give me time or attention anymore, and does not let me visit, although he pays me surprise visits at intervals. He said he wants to be left alone, as he is working tirelessly to get back on his feet.”

Many men see their value and self-worth in their work and finances. Some guys don’t want to embark on a committed love relationship until their professional life is stable and even prosperous. Others can’t focus on both work and love. They simply need to focus on one aspect of life at a time.

If your boyfriend doesn’t have enough time for you because of his work commitments, you might give him time to deal with his career. It’s hard to know if your boyfriend isn’t spending time with you because of a short-term crisis that is commanding his attention (which you should respect and allow space for), or if he’ll always choose his other priorities over you. Is this simply a stage in your relationship or is this part of your boyfriend’s personality? If he’s a workaholic, he’ll never ease up on his job.

ReadHow to Be Honest With Your Boyfriendfor tips on how to set boundaries in your relationship with him.

5. Create a life outside your boyfriend and your relationship

This is the most important – and the most fun – thing to do when your boyfriend doesn’t spend enough time with you: create your own interesting, fulfilling, exciting life.

Questions to help you figure out who you are:

(Video) 6 Ways To Make A Man Chase You AUTHENTICALLY!

  • Where is your life going?
  • Who do you want to be?
  • What are your passions, hobbies, interests, loves?
  • When are you happiest? (besides when your boyfriend is spending time with you)

The best way to handle a boyfriend who doesn’t have time for you is to COME ALIVE. Find life, be yourself, choose authenticity, take risks…be who you were created to be. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy.

6 Ways to Handle a Boyfriend Who Doesn't Have Time for You (1)

6. Let go of your expectations

For your sake and for your relationship’s sake – and for your kids if you have them – you need to create your own life and identity outside of your relationship. You can’t let your identity get wrapped up in you boyfriendor his life, or you’ll lose yourself.

If you’re gripping a relationship too tightly, you’ll suffocate him. My ebook,Letting Go of Someone You Love, is about loosening unhealthy attachments and allowing spaces in your togetherness. Even the closest relationships need room to breathe.

Letting go of a relationship is the healthiest way to love someone. Letting go is about about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. When you let go of a person, you release your expectations. You find peace and freedom. You can start moving forward into a fresh season of life.

Letting Go When Your Relationship Endsis filled with practical tips, inspiring insights, and touching stories of loss and healing. If you need encouragement and strength to loosen an unhealthy attachment to your partner, you’ll find it here.

6 Ways to Handle a Boyfriend Who Doesn't Have Time for You (2)

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  1. Twos company March 1, 2023 at 8:35 pm

    (Video) Predator Realizes He's Going To Prison For Life


    Feeling neglected in a relationship can be tough, but this post provides helpful tips to resolve conflicts and strengthen your relationship. It emphasizes the importance of effective communication and understanding your partner’s perspective.

  2. Maria January 2, 2023 at 4:11 pm


    Some of your advice in my opinion is a LOAD of CRAP….if your boyfriend literally has no time for not even to text or stay on the phone for 30mins, send you some flowers through his phone etc then he isn’t interested in you!!!!!!! There’s no excuse for someone not to take 5 mins of their day to make you feel special especially considering the day and age we live in where everything is at our fingertips. I ultimately had. A man like this and played both sides of the fence bringing up I wanted more of his time and barely giving him any of my attention of course when I did that I got the I love you response and I’ve just been busy but nothing changed. So I let him go I’m to young and have to much to offer to not have my needs being met. Ladies take my advice

  3. kayla December 29, 2022 at 9:45 am


    (Video) 6 Ways To Tell A Woman Is Toxic (Every Guy Needs To Know This)

    You know, I think we spend entirely too much time speculating and worry about things. Maybe your boyfriend is really supper busy.
    My guy explained to me how things have been shaken up at his job and that he’d be super busy and not be able to talk as much or often as before. I was okay at first. However, because he really spoiled me with long frequent talks I was upset after a while. I told him how it made me feel ( had to do it more than once… men don’t grasp things as fast as females do in this department) so he kinda spent more time with me. Then things got shock up more at his job and he reverted back to not talking as much because he really had to work double the amount as before. So I figured that maybe we should breakup, since I wasn’t getting what I needed out of the relationship.
    Not only did he beg me not to breakup w/ him he told me it would crush him. This man actually missed sleep after working 48 hrs straight just to talk to me. I knew then and there that he loved me and would do anything for me. So since I have encouraged him to get rest after his long shifts and wait patiently for when he has time to talk. In the mean time whenever I message him he replies promptly with a quick reply and an I love you. Or he will message me with an I love you or I’m thinking of you. This is better than no contact at all and it puts my mind at ease. If a guy really really loves you he will make time for you.. even if it’s just quick messages to say he’s thinking about you or to answer your messages. You make time for what’s important to you.
    I guess the key thing here is communication. While you’re sitting there worrying or before you beg or threaten you should sit down and have a adult conversation with him and let him know how you feel. Assuming you are an adult. If not, but you find yourself worrying and sweating about this topic, please ask yourself why would a youngster sweat such an adult like situation so hard when they have their whole life ahead of them. After all, more than likely this is probably not the person you will marry and while you’re sitting there worrying about this you should be enjoying your childhood. You only get one, kiddo, and they fly by faster than you realize.

  4. John December 27, 2022 at 10:49 pm


    He probably wants you to dump him. That’s how I got a woman to break up with me earlier this year. Just stop contacting him.

    1. Mary May 1, 2023 at 12:58 pm


      That is either cowardly or lazy but definitely not respectful. Use your words and break up with people instead of ignoring them until they come to the realization on their own. Show people some respect. I would want nothing to do with you as friend or romantic partner if I knew you and found out you behaved this way.



How do you deal with a boyfriend who doesn't have time for you? ›

6 Things to Do When He Doesn't Have Time for You
  1. Figure out what you want out of your relationship. ...
  2. Imagine that your boyfriend will never change. ...
  3. Tell your boyfriend how you feel (once!) ...
  4. Remember that all relationships go through ups and downs. ...
  5. Create a life outside your boyfriend and your relationship.
Apr 29, 2023

How do I deal with my boyfriend being busy all the time? ›

Talk to your partner directly and ask them exactly what is keeping them busy and how the both of you can make time for each other, Head says. Communicate to your partner you want to be a part of his or her world, despite how busy they are.

How do you tell someone they aren't putting in enough effort? ›

How to tell someone they aren't pulling their weight in your relationship
  1. Be prepared for the conversation. ...
  2. Make sure you know what you need in the relationship. ...
  3. Tell your partner what you need from them rather than just explaining what they aren't doing. ...
  4. Make sure you're doing these things for them too.
Aug 28, 2018

When a guy says he doesn't have time for you? ›

What does it mean when he says "I don't have time for a relationship"? It can mean that they're prioritizing other things over a potential relationship, that they have a lot going on in their life & they're caught up with that. Maybe they have problems that they don't want to share or their lifestyle's just busy.

What to say to your boyfriend when he doesn t have time for you? ›

Tell him how you feel about the time you do spend together. Tell him how you'd like an evening or day together to be like. Or ask him how he'd like to spend time together – perhaps what you're doing now doesn't engage him enough. Try to find activities where he can't be so absent and distracted.

How do you get a man to spend more time with you? ›

How can I get my partner to spend more time with me?
  1. Think about you. Is your partner not giving you enough of their time, or are you unrealistic with the amount of time they can give you? ...
  2. Talk to your partner. ...
  3. Ditch the distractions. ...
  4. Take an interest in your partners hobbies. ...
  5. Organise a surprise. ...
  6. Try something new together.

How do you balance a busy relationship? ›

How to keep your relationship strong and healthy when you are both busy AF
  2. SEND A TEXT. ...
Jan 6, 2020

How do you deal with someone who is too busy for you? ›

How To Deal With A Friend Who Is Always Busy (With Examples)
  1. Try to work around their schedule. ...
  2. Offer to schedule plans far in advance. ...
  3. Set up a regular day and time to hang out. ...
  4. Do not repeatedly ask your friend to meet up. ...
  5. Make your own plans and ask your friend along. ...
  6. Accept that friendships change over time.
Jul 26, 2021

What does lack of effort in a relationship look like? ›

Disinterest in spending time together

Spending quality time together is essential to building intimacy and maintaining a healthy relationship. If one partner constantly declines invitations to spend time together or seems disinterested in planning activities, it can indicate a lack of effort in a relationship.

How do you tell you are not his priority? ›

7 Signs You're Not A Priority In Your Relationship & How To Change That
  1. They Rarely Text You Or Initiate Conversation First. ...
  2. They Forget To Tell You About The Important Life Decisions They've Made. ...
  3. They Never Invite You To Family Events. ...
  4. They Don't Take Special Occasions Seriously. ...
  5. They Only Make Plans With You Last Minute.
Mar 26, 2018

What is considered the bare minimum in a relationship? ›

Essentially, the bare minimum is one step above nothing.

They put in minimum investment in the relationship and to their partner, while expecting you to do everything for them. They are only looking to use your good intentions to get the maximum benefits out of you.

Why do I feel alone in my relationship? ›

There are several reasons why a person might be feeling alone in a relationship, including trust issues, attachment issues, abuse in past relationships or poor communication styles.

What to do when he makes no effort? ›

Talk to him. Making assumptions can be confusing when your boyfriend stops making an effort. Instead, sit him down and let him know how you feel. Make him feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth about his actions and be open-minded.

How do you know if a guy no longer loves you? ›

He is no longer affectionate with you, physically or verbally. He no longer makes sweet or romantic gestures toward you. He doesn't say "I love you" anymore. He still says "I love you," but something about it feels hollow or forced, like he's just going through the motions.

How to be there for your boyfriend when he's going through a hard time? ›

7 Ways to Show Support for Your Partner During Difficult Times
  • Check in with them. ...
  • Just listen at first. ...
  • Ask what you can do to support them. ...
  • Find ways to bring your partner joy and show them how much you appreciate them. ...
  • Don't make the problem about you (unless it is about you).
Sep 14, 2022

How do you make your boyfriend miss you when he is busy? ›

10 proven ways to make a guy miss you
  1. Deliberately leave things behind. ...
  2. Give him some personal space. ...
  3. Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
  4. Take things slow. ...
  5. Wear a unique perfume. ...
  6. Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
  7. Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Jan 18, 2018

What to do when your boyfriend is not making you a priority? ›

What To Do When Your Spouse Doesn't Make You A Priority
  1. Ask, 'What Does Being A Priority Mean To You? '.
  2. Find Out Where His/Her Commitment Lies.
  3. Talk To Him/Her About It.
  4. Try To See Things From Their Standpoint.
  5. Help Him/Her Understand Why This Matters To You.
Aug 22, 2022

How do you make your man crave more for you? ›

How to make him want you more: 8 tips to make him crave for you!
  1. Call him by cute names often: Advertisement. ...
  2. Keep him guessing: ...
  3. Touch him unexpectedly: ...
  4. Small changes do make a big difference: ...
  5. Compliment him often: ...
  6. Take him down the memory lane: ...
  7. Give him ample space: ...
  8. Smell good at all times:
Dec 13, 2016

What keeps a man in a relationship? ›

Clear communication, respect, and honesty can go a long way in helping them open up and reveal their innermost desires or insecurities. While you need to pay attention to their unspoken words and cues, giving them their personal space is also important in strengthening the relationship and communication further.

How do you keep your man wanting you more? ›

Keeping your relationship interesting can help you keep the spark alive and process any issues.
  1. Go on regular dates. ...
  2. Spend time by yourself. ...
  3. Go back to where you had your first date. ...
  4. Focus on communication. ...
  5. Laugh together. ...
  6. Get away together. ...
  7. Try to understand each other. ...
  8. Listen to Them.
Nov 10, 2022

How do you address a stagnant relationship? ›

To fix your stagnant relationship, keep calm and discuss the issues you think are making your love fall apart. Bring your problems to the table and find a solution together. Also, make it a point to listen. Speaking is good, but listening to your partner will make them believe that you respect and care for them.

How do you deal with an unbalanced relationship? ›

No amount of effort is worth prolonged emotional distress.
  1. Be honest. Explain why you've decided to end the relationship. ...
  2. Talk to a therapist. Working with a mental health professional can help you recover from the breakup and examine your own role in relationship imbalance. ...
  3. Take time to recover.
Oct 13, 2020

How do you declutter a relationship? ›

5 easy steps to declutter your relationships
  1. Focus on positivity. ...
  2. Limit (or eliminate) negative relationships. ...
  3. Address or let go of old hurts. ...
  4. Clarify your expectations. ...
  5. Set clear boundaries.

What do you say to a busy boyfriend? ›

Romantic Messages To Let Him Know You Care
  1. 'I hope you're having a great day. And I hope this message only makes it better! '
  2. 'I know you're busy, but I just wanted to say I love you. '
  3. 'You're my favourite person in the entire world. '
  4. 'Know that I won't give up, no matter what happens. '

How not to be boring in a relationship? ›

Ideas To Spruce Things Up
  • Have a “day/night out” every week.
  • Be creative and decorate a room together.
  • Prepare a nice dinner at home.
  • Make a gift for your partner.
  • Enjoy each other's company with a glass of wine or iced tea.
  • Leave Post-Its around the house telling your partner you love him/her/them.
Sep 17, 2019

How to keep your boyfriend happy? ›

7 Tips for a Happier Relationship
  1. Focus on the Good in Your Partner. ...
  2. Give your Significant Other Space, but Make Sure They Know You're There. ...
  3. Have Fun Together. ...
  4. Focus on Your Own Strengths and Happiness First. ...
  5. Don't Take It Personally if your Significant Other Doesn't Want to Talk About Their Feelings.
Dec 2, 2021

What are 4 signs your relationship is failing? ›

It may be hard to accept, but when you notice some signs like abuse, lack of trust, lack of communication, and disrespect, it may be some signs that your relationship is failing, and time to call it off. Even when you try your best to put the relationship together, the damage may be too severe.

What are the signs of struggling relationships? ›

Relationship trouble: Some common signs
  • Communication is minimal and often negative.
  • Differences are criticised rather than enjoyed.
  • You are spending less time together.
  • One partner indicates the relationship is in trouble.
  • One partner is rarely prepared to listen.
  • Conflict leads to resentment, not resolution.

What is Breadcrumbing in dating? ›

In modern dating parlance, breadcrumbing is the equivalent of stringing someone along via digital communication without ever meeting them.

How do you know if you are a second option? ›

Signs you are a second choice in a relationship
  1. They cancel plans often. ...
  2. They make excuses. ...
  3. They show up late for you. ...
  4. They hide you from their friends. ...
  5. They forget important information about you. ...
  6. They don't call or return calls often.
Dec 16, 2022

How do you show him that he is my priority? ›

Ten steps you can take right now to make your relationship a priority:
  1. Spend quality time together. ...
  2. Say thank you. ...
  3. Assume good intent. ...
  4. Understand each other's “love language” and try to speak it. ...
  5. Flirt. ...
  6. Say “I love you” every day. ...
  7. Be affectionate. ...
  8. Communicate well.
Nov 10, 2020

How can I make my partner feel like a priority? ›

More Ideas to Show Your Husband He's a Priority
  1. Let him have a few minutes of downtime when he gets home from work to unwind and adjust to his home surroundings.
  2. Pack a lunch for him for work. ...
  3. Participate in his favorite hobby, or at least be an interested spectator.
  4. Put on an outfit that he loves.
May 29, 2015

How do you stop loving someone who doesn't have time for you? ›

8 steps to stop loving someone who doesn't love you (once and for...
  • Realize that he doesn't love you anymore. The hardest step is realizing that he doesn't love you anymore. ...
  • Reflect on your needs. ...
  • Be an individual. ...
  • Love yourself first. ...
  • Strengthen your beauty and inner peace. ...
  • Eliminate hope. ...
  • Be strong. ...
  • Fall back in love.
Aug 2, 2017

Can a relationship survive without time? ›

While healthy relationships can certainly withstand the occasional lapse in communication, a serious lack of “quality time” can chip away at the partnership's foundation, weakening bonds and compromising the level of happiness you feel when you're together.

How much time should your boyfriend spend with you? ›

The bottom line? Coan advises every couple to adhere to the 70/30 rule: For the happiest, most harmonious relationship, the pro suggests spending 70% of time together, and 30% apart. That gives each of you enough freedom to explore your own interests while still being rooted and invested in your relationship.


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